a neighbor's funeral

next door neighbor's mother passed away. from what i remember she had gotten senile at not too old age and been yelling and accusing her daughter in law for probably whatever her mind made up. after a while she had been placed in a nursing home with special care. that is all i know about her.

i had been reminded how japnaese funerals are held, and am feeling "ugh..."

this may not apply to everyone, but for the areas like where i live, country side, tend to stick to their old traditions which drag every household in the neighborhood to this event.

1. the memo noting when schedule of funeral being distributed to all household in the neighborhood.
2. at the pre-funeral (like a wake), heads of each household discuss how much donation to be made and what time to be at the funeral to help the family.
3. at the funeral, one member from each household takes a different task (like standing at the entrance, setting up in the house, etc.)

the things above are of course "voluntary." yes, voluntary with quotation marks means mandatory in japan, well most of the time. i'm not sure what kind of talk-behind-back would go on if you would selfishly refuse your participation.

in the old days, holding funeral was costly, and not having funeral service business, supports from neighbors meant a lot to a family, but things has changed. households' relationships are not as tight as it used to be. but the tradition remains the same. mom will be at the neighbor's house at 7am tomorrow to help.

i think japanese funeral shows clear example of collectivism and indirect communication style of japanese people very well. being uncomfortable to speak out to change the unsuitable old traditions. being artificially sympathetic to the neighbors.

i hope when i die, my funeral is being held by who really care about me. i don't need a artificial kindness.