your cs profile and message suck. rejected!

"Feel free to ask me anything. hheehe, I can teach u english. =)"

the latest cs request ended with this sentence.

where the heck is your reading ability? you idiot. i am getting disappointed with the quality of cs members. i only get boring bad messages these days. i don't even respond.

maybe because i am having a passive attitude towards cs, but come on, i've gotten a lot better ones in new york. here i get just lame ones from males age between 20 to 40ish who clearly haven't read my profile.

nameless fish at home

it's been two weeks since i brought him home.

yes, the fish i wanted is home now.

but nameless. i call him "hey" "oi!" "totto-chan" etc etc.

let me know if you can think of a name for him.

i think he is in heat. he is creating a nest for babies... sorry i am not getting a girlfriend.

i hate myself for this

gosh, i almost wasted an opportunity to have what i want the most today.

in a few hours, an open window for the heaven will be completely closed for this year.

yup. the 2011 DV visa, or free green card by 0.5 to 1% of chance.

i was so close to miss. being kicked out from the entry website so many times. anger to myself for no processing the job as soon as i checked the opening period.

really. i'm bad.

project: making a place home

after writing the previous entry, i thought i'd TRY to make this place home. (i'd never tried this. it's been always a natural process.) help me! please.

what make your place home for you?
why do you feel home at your place?

to start off with this, i think i'd buy the fish :)

feeling of coming back home

on the way back from two days get away in Izu where i met up with my parents and aunt, i felt like i was going down to a dark deep ocean. definitely not a feeling of coming home.

wherever i lived so far, i always grew attachments to places and felt being home. except this city, tokyo. is it me? or this city is just ugly? or both?

i even felt being home in wisconsin after spending holidays in japan. levels of attachment had varied, but it was always there. but not here somehow. and living in a place where i don't feel home is a new thing.

what makes a place home? parents? comfy bed? things you are used to. i guess i don't have any of that in tokyo. i need a place where i feel home.

what if there is a time limit for staying together...

i remember kirsten had a fish called betta, a tropical fighting fish.
"it never dies," kirsten said. this fish is said to be livable in a glass cup without an air pump. not so difficult to take care of. just have to be separated from one another, otherwise, it will fight till the other dies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siamese_fighting_fish

i am so tempted to buy one. looks pretty and low maintenance. how convenient.
i looked up info, how to take care, fish tank, equipment etc. and was all ready to go and buy them all with a fish.

this question popped in my head.

"how long would it live?"
the answer was 1 to 3 years.

the idea of having something waiting at home is definitely coming from loneliness i am feeling these days. an attachment for him would occur for sure.

would i be okay when it's gone? would i start something which would possibly be gone for sure in such a short time?

it's just a fish. well, but it is something that has a heart that beats. i would think about it tonight.

a book by obama

from a small chat with a friend, i ended up buying a book Dreams from My Father by obama.

we were talking about using drug is such a big deal in japan (a friend had been in canada and recently returned), but i haven't heard any medium mentioning about obama's drug use in his youth. it is a well known fact in the rest of the world (i think) that he admitted that he has tried some drugs before in his book.

talk show hosts, commentators, politicians, etc. who is making a HUGE deal out of others' drug use, and making comments like, "she is over with her life." i want to say, "hey, did you know the president of the United States has smoked marijuana and inhaled cocaine."

i knew of the book, but i haven't read so i purchased via amazon japan. ($5 for a paperback. came in 2 days with free shipping! yay)

i must say his charm helped a lot to motivate me to start his book. a memoir by a politician won't attract me usually. so far i like it.

a woman who touches her face so much

on the way back on subway, a woman sat next to me.

she touched her own face so much. as she hold and read a newspaper with her left hand, her right hand was just moving all over her face, chin, nose, cheek, chin again, flipped a page, chin, nose, eyes... oh gosh. it bothered me so much.

learn from a bad example. i would like to be a fair lady.

i have friends. just not here.

i had my birthday on sunday.
the followings are stats which show where i call home very clearly.

presents in mail:
3 from the u.s.
1 from japan

messages via internet:
over 20 (too lazy to count) from the u.s.
over 10 (again too lazy to count) from other countries.
2 from japan

phone:
1 from my mother
1 from my sister

i wanna be home.
my homesick is chronic.
can't figure out how to get over.
i don't like this. at all.

just for you :)

i got an e-mail from kristin a moment ago, and she said she misses my blog entries.

can't believe that it has been a month since the last time i wrote something here.
now i have two jobs :) financially i am not satisfied, but it has to be started somewhere.

job #1: editorial assistant at a newswire company (japanese version of Associated Press)
the dept i work at handles japanese politics. good for a person like myself who has no clue about japanese politics. a group of us, 4 assistants, help editors, and this job requires ability to read aloud japanese vocabs. good for me :)

job #2: chat host at a cafe
if the cups of tea i have at the cafe was glasses of wine or beer, i would be a hostess/companion :) i sit with a group of japanese people (many of them are businessmen) who are dying to speak or willing to improve their english skill. many of them speak with super heavy accents without hesitance. and when they find out that i was born and raised in japan, (yes, they won't notice until i mention my name.) they say "ohh! you have a perfect accent!!" yes, for them, i am perfect :) i sound a bit cocky here, but i will tell you why in a different entry. i will tell you more about the people i meet at this work. this is horribly paid job, but i am enjoying observing weirdos, interesting, and strange people.

and once a while, i do photo gigs. for events and a magazine.

so i don't have much time to socialize since i started this lifestyle. well for now, without having friends like i had in ny, this is a good way to kill my time here. when i have time, i want to rest.

i am feeling good to write here. i shall do it more often.
kristin, thanks for reminding me :)

the taste you grew up with

chocolates taste different in every country or culture.

i bought my childhood favorite chocolate and am disappointed.

my taste buds for chocolate have changed.

exposing my body in public - public bath episode

i had been wanting to check out a privately owned public bath in my neighborhood. my house has a shower but not a bathtub so i missed soaking my whole body into hot water.

the weather is getting cooler a bit, and i didn't accomplish anything today so i decided to do something at 11pm. i went to the bath.

i was imagining the place to be pretty empty at 11pm. even at 2 hours before closing, it was pretty busy, and people came and went quickly. for them, it's just a bath they do almost everyday, but for me, it was an entertainment so i spent an hour to clean myself and played in a jet bath.

2 old ladies sat, cleaned, and left while i was doing my business. somehow i witnessed the second lady glancing at me a few times. aha! my bellybutton is pierced. she didn't say anything, but i wonder if i should have taken it off. in japan, if you have pierced other than ears, it's a big deal. and if you have a tatoo even a small flower on your ankle, you are not allowed to go into public bath, swimming pools, and hot springs. and maybe she was looking at my favorite body soap from the states.

the water was a bit too hot for me to soak myself for as much as i wanted. somehow i felt good at being naked among others.

finally i found an answer.

there was a question that had been floating in my head for a few weeks.

"why don't i like living in tokyo?"

i like living in a big city. tons of things to see. nature is at reachable distance. close to where grew up. no visa issue to deal with. i am taking photos a lot.

but today i found an answer when i was at THE best spot in tokyo i found today.

the answer is... because i didn't come here because i wanted to. i came because i thought i needed to.

i've lived in a few different places and liked the places in different ways. because i moved and lived the places on my will.

i have to decide what i need to do upon this discovery...

Gone!

saw this while i was walking around kouenji. For those who doesn't know him, he was the former Japanese prime minister.

the poster was on the board for the party he belongs. i thought it was funny.

a month to prevent suicide

a nice dinner with a friend and walked around shibuya afterwords.

we waited her boyfriend at the famous meeting spot in shibuya station, the statue of hachiko the dog.

hachiko had a sash and we looked at it to read.

"suicide prevention month" !!!

what? i know the statue is famous and people do look at it, but why there? and what do the public health dept. would do for this monthly campaign? i guess they succeeded in raising awareness.

i had to look up how many people do commit suicide in japan. 32,249 in 2008 in japan, it ranked 8th in the world. Lithania ranked the first, Beralrus, Russia, Slovenia, Hungary,　Kazakhstan, and Latvia follow.

an envelope from the love of my life

some mails came in today.

there was an envelope filled with love.

it made my day, and now it's added to my "favorite wall" in my room.

thank you mike san!

pleasant surprise at a library in tokyo

going through shelves at a library. guidebook section is a must for me these days. one book stopped my eyes and i pulled it out from a shelf.

"what i discovered from living abroad. - 100 women's experiences abroad."

of course i flipped pages for women in ny.

surprise!!!! the smile i saw everyday in my office in ny was on one page! my favorite and only boss was talking about her dream.

the book itself didn't interest me, but it was a pleasant surprise to see her smile in a library in tokyo, and i wanted to go home with the book.

i miss her and our time together so much.

a song which got my attention

got rained out today so no shopping nor watching people dancing at a festival. instead, i went to a library. came back with a few books and a cd.

a song by chihiro onitsuka. the song called Gekkou (moonlight), its lyrics got my attention. i'd always liked the song, but never paid attention to what she was saying as i usually don't.

too bad most of you won't be able to listen and understand in the original language since nuance always happens by translation. i'm still digesting the song.

i am god's child.
i was thrown into this corrupted world.
how do i live on such a field?
i wasn't born for this.

me and flash

currently working on my webfolio for my photography business.

me and flash is like my mom and ipod/itunes...

when i taught her how to use them, i couldn't understand why she was not getting it.

now i know how she felt. i will try to be as kind as possible to everyone :)

hachi

kristin's facebook status reminded me my old dog. his name was hachi, and thought about a new movie with richard gere. i haven't seen this yet, but this story is very famous in japan, and my dog was named after this famous dog named hachi.

late night non-sense

i fantasized about saying this to someone. totally i am not in a position of saying this to someone. that's why it's my late night non-sense random idea.

"you are not good enough for me."

i think this idea came up after talking with a friend today and counted how many years it has been since i become single. 3 years...

first time for everything

"photos (you take with films) would tell you what mistakes you'd made." a teacher from a photography school said. her word was repeated in my head all afternoon.

i participated in an open house program at a photography school. they rend me a film camera, we went out to shoot for an hour, developed, and printed afterwords.

my first time developing a film myself. shook a bottle which my negatives were in with different chemicals, burned images on to photo papers, and dip them into different chemicals. what a fun!
they encourage people to visit the school more than once. i think i will do this again.

p.s. they fed me lunch.
p.p.s. they let you print as much as you want.

here is the index print i made :)

japan's drug phobia

a use of drug by a pop star brought special tv programs. so many hours are spent to follow up the event. when she was missing (well running away from the police), it was aired like when Michael Jackson died.

japanese media make me sick, and people's reactions make me amazed. people are visiting the pop star's vacation home just to see the house where she used drugs.

as of my memory, there was only one seminar on drug during my k-12 years. i feel like people are not educated about drugs, and it gives them mythic ideas about drugs.

i just witness the Chiba prefecture governor said, "... it (using drug) is like 'quitting human being.'"

on the day WW II was ended

on august 15th, 1945 the japanese emperor made a surrender speech to his people.

i went on a day trip to a sunflower field and an island/beach in kanagawa today. on the way back to tokyo, there was an incident that bothered me for a while.

my friends and i were watching a traditional okinawa drum/dance performance at a train station. it was a part of a petition drive for world peace. yeah, a petition for world peace?

first, a lady approached me and my friend. she tried to get signatures from us quickly so i said, "please, let me read this (the petition) first before i sign." it's always a good idea to read and agree what you are signing for.

while my friend was signing the paper from the lady, a high school kid approached me to ask my signature.

"please sign this. it's for a petition for eliminating nuclear weapon. we will send this to the U.N.," he said.
"would you tell me what this petition does? or it's asking the U.N. to do?" i asked.

he said that this drive was started 10 years ago, and now people in higher offices at the U.N. became aware of the movement. a well known news channel has aired about the movement. and they want to tell the U.N. that this many people care about world peace.

there were tons of things i wanted to say to him like i don't care if a famous celebrity anchor is aware about the movement, or these higher officers at the U.N. move on, a petition which does not make a specific request has less chance, what was the result they got from the 10 years of drive, and maybe they can put their time and effort to more effective methods to realize world peace.

i respect that his interest on this, but please, think a bit harder.
i signed in the end because i do hope for a world peace, but i totally do not agree on their approach.

this is the petition. it was attentioned to the secretary general of the U.N.. the student said, high school representatives are visiting Geneva next week to hand in the petition.

p.s. i do wish that someone had caught a spell mistake on the "representives" for the official petition to the U.N.. sorry i am being more sarcastic than usual.

We would like to ask for your further efforts to make the world a peaceful place without wars and nuclear weapons.

We request the elimination of nuclear weapons as soon as possible.
We request that people all over the world live in peace and harmony.
We request further efforts from the U.N. to make a peaceful world without wars.

We pledge ourselves to do our best to establish a peaceful world hand
in hand with the youth of the world, and entrust these signatures
to our representives.

i woke up because the house was shaking

adrenaline kicked in really well. woke up from noise of furniture shaking and my mom's screaming "it's shaking!!!!" it was really shaking badly. i've never experienced the shake like this one. it was magnitude 6.5.

i've been back to my hometown for a visit for a few days. shizuoka is known to have earthquake more often other parts of japan. it's located where three plates meet, North American, Filipino, and Eurasian.

so at all educational institutions from kindergarten, k-12 and universities, there are drills for earthquake every semester. back then i did not appreciate it and never thought i gained something from it.

today many years of practice had paid off. here is the list of things came up to my mind during and after the quake.

1. stay away from windows (glass might burst)
2. stay close to strong post in a room
3. don't move till the aftershock stops
4. cover your head with something to protect in case something falls
5. wear some footwear before walking around

so i called my mom who was squatting down closer to huge windows and screaming "the house's gonna collaps" in panic. sat down close to a post, waited till a few aftershocks stop, put hats over our heards, wore slippers (japanese takes shoes off in inside of house), and went outside.

some stuff fell from shelves, but nothing has broken at my house.

and i wanna live in "earthquake" free place...

a greasy piece of pizza

i've never thought i would miss a piece of pizza. it is 2am, and i miss a piece of greasy pizza which my friends and i used to get at late night after going out to bars. i'm also watching "ghost whisperer" and being a bit scared.

being cared for what??

maybe i should change the title of this blog to "strange japanese phenomenon." :)

here is another strange thing i often witness in tokyo.

a carriage for your pet.

it's not for all, but it's not rare. i've seen this in many places. japanese dogs, the ones which are pampered DO NOT WALK!!!!!

the owners won't let them because... their fur get ruined. is this happening only in japan?

see the photo? the owner is even holding her dog!

groupies

as everyone knows, japanese people loves to take photos and being taken photos.

i encountered a weird phenomenon the other day at a subway station.

there were many girls and ladies in the area where there were photos of a popular korean boy band posted on poles. it's not a couple of people. there were many who were holding their cell phones to take photos of the poles (see the pic). i didn't understand what was happening. it's just a pic.

i've never been a groupie of any idle or actor so maybe i'm not understanding the phenomenon.

photographer in a suit

it took me a day to recover from two days of wedding photoshoots. the bottom half of my body ached so much. standing about 7 hours a day. i need to get used to it.

guess what i was wearing. a business suit. the outfit which isn't made for running around and laying on the ground. the suit is a must in japanese wedding shoots. videographer/owner who was also with us told me that the hotel's employee told that his tie was a bit too short. what a hell? i agree with a certain level of formalness since we are at weddings, but we are there to do our job which isn't being a server at a table. i really disagreed with this suit policy. and really hate politics like this which happens all the time in japan.

oh yes, i have a new camera and a flash which is also something new to me. i went to two wedding as an assistant photographer. the main photographer was a nice and interesting man, and he has over 10 years of wedding photography.

i've learned a lot and found tons of things i need to work on. quick judgment, prediction etc.

summer in tokyo

"summer is great!" i hear that from many friends all over the world. i'm sure it is at somewhere on this beautiful planet.

would it be the case here in tokyo? i'm not sure if i can say that or not at this moment.

humidity is so high. there are so many people. not so much open space.

rush-hour subway is a joke. you can feel body heat and moisture (someone's sweat) from 360 around you. ugh...

a photographer who changed my life

i've been waiting to write this entry over 3 months. finally i developed the film which his photo was on so i'm writing.

Jonathan Torgovnik, his work, "Intended Consequences" which i saw at aperture foundation in chelsea in nyc changed the direction i was going to take. now i am an aspiring photographer.

his worked moved me so much. i thought i want to be like him. a person who can move people's heart through photographed images. i've seen photo documentaries of tragities, but i had never been moved like i did.

a few days later after i saw his work, i found that there was an event at the UN to commemorate 15th anniversary of rwandan genocide.

i don't remember much what he said in his speech now, but i had decided to tell him what his work meant to me.

he was busy with shaking hands, signing his books, and being interviewed. while i await him, i got to chat wih his mother. she said happily, "he is still my son," and took photos of him greeting others with her point&shoot camera.

finally he got up from his seat to be interviewd from media. as he walked towards windows, i walked up to him and said, "hi, you've done a fantastic work. i was moved by your work so much."

he kindly posed for me to take a photo. he asked about my toy fisheye camera. here is the photo i took.

japanese funny abbreviations

i've been watching tv a lot these days and noticed that japanese come up or accidentally end up with funny abbreviations. i can only think of these two for now, but i wanted to share with you.

1.BJ league = Basketball Japan League
http://www.bj-league.com/html/en/index.html

2. I love KY = I love kakaku yasuku (cheap price), a tv commercial for a supermarket chain.

a friend who does not leave without a story

haruko came to tokyo with her boyfriend to visit.

happenings happen everywhere she goes.

this time she forgot her cell phone and souvenir at a restaurant we had lunch. we u-turned after we got to our next destination.

this wasn't the only story for her trip to tokyo.

for their return bus, she told me the wrong bus terminal at the one of the busiest train station in tokyo. after running from one end to the other, we made it, barely.

"i know she does these things without any bad intention so i can't get upset with her," this was what her boyfriend said to me. very memorable statement, and i am very happy that haruko has such a wonderful partner.

haruko is impossible to hate.

turning point

here it comes. the result for the lottery greencard. i got this after entered the processing number.

"Based on the information provided, the Entry HAS NOT BEEN SELECTED for further processing for the 2010 Electronic Diversity Visa program."

so this terminated my "up in the air" situation. yes, i cannot go back to where i wanted to be for sometime.

this is the last day for me to mourn over my broken dream. chin up. a bit disappointed, but i am fine.

turning into a vampire

i saw outside getting lighter and heard birds cheeps. and fell asleep at 4am.

my potential husband personnel

i get nervous when my mom calls me these days. i'm dying to hear my mom say "there is a package from the u.s. government."

after our regular "what's new?" conversations, she mentioned me something new today.
my mom's cousin had passed away, and at his funeral my mom talked with the deceased's sister.

next day the sister called my mom to ask if "I" am interested in meeting a man.
yes, this is a potential case of arranged marriage. and it happened to me. i am back in japan.

it is not like old days when girls didn't have a choice. i laughed when my mom said, "i'll let her know if you are interested." "he might not be too bad," i responded jokingly.

a son of jeweler, owns an opal mine in australia. wouldn't he get enough girls just for that?
to be honest, i am a bit interested in meeting him, but definitely not for marriage, but for my curiosity to check out how the set up of arranged marriage goes, and meeting this guy who chose this method of finding his wife at the age of 31.

i doubt there is another entry for this topic, but i will let you know if there is :)

first week as a freelancer

it's friday! and my first week as a freelancer is over. i am relieved. two more shoot next week and done for this month.

i was really nervous last sunday night. it went well i think.

i feel a bit guilty to make that amount for such a little work and wonder how this freelancing world works.

lessons learned.

1. pretend that you know what you are doing
2. know how to exchange business cards
3. let's be extra polite to different kinds of personnel
4. summer in japan is hot
   

a grouch

i want to go back to ny :(

strange news

there were two news i saw which i thought very strange to me.

1. a drunken college student grabbed a woman and jumped off to a train track in tokyo.

well as a news it's not strange, but the outcome was very strange i thought. guess who apologized at the press conference? the university which the suspect belongs to. i believe this will not happen in any other country but japan.

how could the university be responsible to this individual's account? as i mentioned before, japanese society is very collective. when a minor or student does some criminal activity, not their parents, but school the youth belong speak for them in public.

2. a tv personnel is questioned by police by holding a hunting rifle on a tv show.

he just held a rifle to check how heavy it was on a tv show and is being questioned for an account of violating the firearm control law. just let you know, in japan you need a permit to hold an firearm. i think there are a lot more issues that police should pay attention to...

full-time photojournalist not.

i moved to a new place in tokyo yesterday and had an interview and exam with a newspaper company for full-time photojournalist position. the result, i did not get it.

i wasn't prepared well, but i guess i chose to be that way. for last couple of days, i felt uneasy and crammed current events. what i did was far beyond what the company had expected. i didn't know who the russian president was...

it was extremely stressful. i am a bit disappointed but also relieved :) i learned a great deal.

HP

what do you think when you see two letters "HP"? hewlett-packard? homepage? horsepower?

i just read the last book of harry potter. 750 pages. wasn't exciting as other books. i bet the author's business isn't over yet. because he didn't die!!!

a neighbor's funeral

next door neighbor's mother passed away. from what i remember she had gotten senile at not too old age and been yelling and accusing her daughter in law for probably whatever her mind made up. after a while she had been placed in a nursing home with special care. that is all i know about her.

i had been reminded how japnaese funerals are held, and am feeling "ugh..."

this may not apply to everyone, but for the areas like where i live, country side, tend to stick to their old traditions which drag every household in the neighborhood to this event.

1. the memo noting when schedule of funeral being distributed to all household in the neighborhood.
2. at the pre-funeral (like a wake), heads of each household discuss how much donation to be made and what time to be at the funeral to help the family.
3. at the funeral, one member from each household takes a different task (like standing at the entrance, setting up in the house, etc.)

the things above are of course "voluntary." yes, voluntary with quotation marks means mandatory in japan, well most of the time. i'm not sure what kind of talk-behind-back would go on if you would selfishly refuse your participation.

in the old days, holding funeral was costly, and not having funeral service business, supports from neighbors meant a lot to a family, but things has changed. households' relationships are not as tight as it used to be. but the tradition remains the same. mom will be at the neighbor's house at 7am tomorrow to help.

i think japanese funeral shows clear example of collectivism and indirect communication style of japanese people very well. being uncomfortable to speak out to change the unsuitable old traditions. being artificially sympathetic to the neighbors.

i hope when i die, my funeral is being held by who really care about me. i don't need a artificial kindness.

how manual paper shredder is made

i know how it's made! because i just broke one. i tried to shred my old plastic driver's license.

the handle didn't turn so i forcefully turned a couple times. it became completely loose after that.

i held a surgery :) hoping that something was just stuck. not. all the tooth on a gear were broken off. the end.

a lesson learned. don't move things by force when it resists the force :)

sorry mom. i have to go and fetch another one...

empty profiles of politicians

there is an election tomorrow for my city's mayor and council members. this would be my first vote if i do.

i didn't want to cast a random vote by selecting ones by picking favorite one from posters of all candidates so i decided to do some research.

what i found? was close to no information at all. the website i found was a list of candidates with empty profiles. these days who would spare their time to physically go into their offices and ask for their policies? otherwise with this amount of information, how do people supposed to get info and be serious about electing?

since i came back from the states about a month ago, cars with big speakers were running around the city and they were just repeating something like "please vote for so-and-so. please! Oh! thank you very much for your support! (by waving at every people they can find on streets even though they are just happen to be there.)" when there are 29 candidates running around all day, simply it's really really annoying.

maybe i shouldn't be annoyed with this election of 100,000 people city. whose representatives are not serious about the election. because only 3 out of 26 (for council) won't have their seats...

chicken heart

my cell phone rang around a little past 7. the number started with 03. a phone call from tokyo.

i thought about not answering, but i did.
"is this miss shoko yanagawa? this is .... from .... newspaper company. do you have a moment right now?" i was sweating and my heart was beating so fast.

it was a call to schedule an interview with me. i applied to a full-time photojournalist position. the company i spent a whole day to fill the form and write an essay. apparently i passed the first selection... interview along with an exam and short essay awaits me there.

now i think about it, i am a bit surprised at how nervous i was while i was on the phone. it was just a phone call. i'm such a chicken.

the guy said in the end, "please be careful of swine flu when you travel." in a very mechanical manner like he was reading off from somewhere. very strange i thought.

gaining through losing

i think this was my favorite singer's one album title. gaining through losing. the decision i want to make has more than just financial but sentimental and symbolic value to it.

i am contemplating whether to sell my violin or not. this instrument needs to be making music in regular base which is not happening and probably won't happen once i move to tokyo.

i started violin when i was 8. music was not my thing from the beginning. i didn't practice at all, but did private lessons for over 7 years. having a piano teacher for my mom, i wasted opportunity to learn to appreciate what music is.

it would a big help to purchase a new camera for my career, but i hesitate to do so maybe because i've always had access to it, and somewhere in me believes that it always be that way.

is it a time to admit the fact my interest and focus had shifted to something and accept it before the instrument dies without being appreciated...

an image i was glued

"Christmas in Berlin" 1963 by Ian Berry

I found this photo in a book called "Smile & Smile / 100 smiles" by Magnum photographers.

okinawa? hawaii? guam?

this is what people who have so much spare time to do. i know, but i am doing it. searching for deals on airfares for dream destinations.

the idea came up to me after seeing my friend's honeymoon photos from Okinawa, islands located at the furthest southwest of japan. i think i wanted to lay on beach for a few days and not to reminisce about new york. if i do go, i will leave coming up sunday before i move to tokyo. this means it would happen in 4 days. i don't think it would happen. too short to plan after all.

as i was searching for the cheapest option to okinawa, i found that flying to Bangkok, Hong Kong, LA or NY would cost less than taking 2 hours flight domestically. what an expensive country japan is...

so two other destinations came up. hawaii or guam. the round trip fee for each destination costs less than one way to okinawa... the round trip fares are under $250 each. does anyone want to join me or meet me there?

strawberry picking

from my memory, i haven't done strawberry picking since the age of 2. somehow i talked about going to strawberry picking with a friend from junior high and his wife last time i visited them.

normally at the situation like "all-you-can-eat," i don't get my money worth from the amount i eat. it was about $11 for an hour of picking and eating. i think we, girls, ate over 40 each.

we were given one row, both side lined with strawberry plants. after eating to the mid point of the row, we learned a lesson. do start picking from the end of the row. not from where everyone starts. as we ate towards the end, strawberries got bigger and had more per plant. next time...

job interview

after visiting toyama, i took a night bus for about 7 hours to tokyo. i had an interview/meeting with an editor for a monthly magazine introducing shinjyuku district in tokyo.

it's not a full time job. but i got it! it's project base contract job. so i guess i am officially a freelancer :)

the editor asked me where i learned my style. he told me that i have a different style from many young japanese photographers have. according to him, they tried to be different from others and often create ambiguous, not clear, fine arts taste photographs. with no fine arts background and with journalism background, i guess i won his heart :)

"your photos capture things very clearly, but not in boring way. i think that would be understood and accepted by wider generations, and that's what i'm looking for." what an encouraging word i got from the editor. great feeling to hear something like that.

my first assignment is documenting a bus tour to an eco farm in yamanashi. the bus is run with waste oil from restaurants. i am a bit nervous about this paid job for taking photos. wish me a luck!

i will be looking for a job or two to support my life in tokyo.

toyama

toyama means "rich mountain" indeed this place is rich in mountain culture, but also in seafood as its coast line faces japanese sea.

the weather wasn't as nice as it could be when i was there, but i still enjoyed sightseeing around the region. a few days earlier, i've seen a place called "tateyama snow corridor" on tv and found that it's in toyama.

it was amazing. not being snobby nor cocky, with my travel experiences, i normally don't get surprised or impressed easily. well this place was very exciting! from meiko's home we drove one hour, took a cable car for 7 minutes, and then rode a bus for 50 minutes. this is the only way to get to where the corridor is. no private cars are allowed to drive in.

the corridor is located at an alutitude of 2,450m (8,038ft). we saw clouds below us. after we walked and looked around for Ptarmigan, a bird only lives in the high mountiain and not finding any, we dipped ourselves into the hot spring which was located highest altitude in japan. the hot spring contained sulfur, of course at the level of not killing us.

an evidence of global warming seems to be visible at the corridor. it used to record the snowfall of 20m(65ft), but now it has become 15m(49ft). i am not sure why they opened this road. they get over 15m(49ft) of snow per season. they start plowing this 90km(56miles) long road in the end of january to be able to open in the middle of april...

i'm glad to cross out one destination from my "place i want to see." go visit if you have chance. the corridor is only accessible from the mid april to the end of may.

3 generations in one house

i stayed at meiko's 3-generation-home for a few days in toyama. in one house, 6 grown-ups live together, grandma, parents, meiko and the husband, and his brother. my first thought after greeting everyone was "how does she handle this???"

this living style is not so rare in japan. in the olden time, 3 generation home is very common, and there is a negative connotation on taking parents to nursing homes, and putting them under someone's care. things are changing, but this is everyone's concern. "what to do with your parents once they are old."

but i am not so sure what would happen once they welcome the 4th generation...
meiko has thrown herself into a totally different environment. she lived in tokyo for over 8 years by herself, and now she cooks dinner for the 6 people and help their rice farm.

i've been loving my freedom since i was 17, and this will not be my choice for sure. meiko's life style makes me think twice on marrying a japanese man... :)

busy week

i was gone for a week, and many things happened within a week. i will separate entries by different topics, but i will write briefly what happened in one week.

in the beginning of may, there is a short holiday season called "golden week" in japan. may 3rd is constitutional memorial day, 4th is showa day (formerly "greenery day"), and 5th is children's day. 4th was former emperor's birthday, but it became g-day after he passed away. surprise! it had become showa day since 2007 which i wasn't aware of :)

so for this holiday, my sister meiko came home and brought her new friend from Toyama. she took her around shizuoka region, and in the end, i "voluntary" took a ride back with them to Toyama with "norwegian wood" by murakami. "ugh, what's there other than rice fields..."

it was about time to meet meiko's new family. due to the visa issue i had back then, i did not attend her wedding nor meet her husband's family. maybe that was the real reason why i wasn't motivated to go to toyama with her. the infamous half americanized sister finally came to greet.

after spending a few days, i found that toyama being somewhat exciting. not for permanent living, but for vacation, it's a beautiful place filled with tasty things. i will write more in a separate entry about the place.

i took a night bus from toyama to tokyo. i had a job interview for a monthly informational magazine in tokyo. i got the job, project base job of taking photos of people, restaurant, food, etc.

i also confirmed my lving situation in tokyo. i will be moving on june 1st.

so much things happened in such a short time period. it's exciting but also a bit worried if everything will go well.

to be continued...

a day i cried

blogs could be a window to let emotions out. i really don't want my blog to be that way all the time, but today i am very sad because i pushed a button which i'm not supposed to push.

i was taking a nap in this rainy afternoon. "ugh, i'm not gonna get out from bed" kind of day.

my mom came and woke me up, but she laid next to me on my futon. i said, "you need to motivate me in order to make me get up." we laid for a while, and she asked me about a stuffed teddy bear which was sitting on a shelf.

the bear spoke, well not any more after i pushed the wrong button today. when i pushed his right arm he used to said, "aishiteru ("i love you" in japanese) he------hehehehe fufufufu ahahaha." in my dear friend safe's voice with his usual humor.

safe has recorded this "i love you" message to this bear and gave it to me when we graduated college. i brought him to ny when i moved, and i pushed the right button once in a while. listeing to his voice just made me smile.

i accidentally pushed his left arm today which safe had tied a red bow so that i know which NOT to push. i pushed a button to delete old message and record new one. now the bear does not say "i love you."

someday the battery would have run out, but i am very sad that the message is gone.

i held him and laid on my futon for 10 minutes like i mourned for the message. i cried.

if you wanna lose some weight, swing your hip

a friend of mine swung her hip as she watched an instructional DVD for about 30 minutes before we went to bed.

i personally believe that japanese people loves trends especially when something (methods, product, or individuals) is foreign. and they are easily manipulated by media and rumors. apparently she spent about $100 for this merchandise...

the one she had was something like this. i watched her and could not resist laughing aloud. the dubbed voice encouraged my friend in very very cheesy manner.

importing something foreign which has something to do with losing weight might make me rich...

it was just a dream

my flight was at 12:05 and it was 9:53. i begged my mom to drive me to the airport.

i screamed "please, i'm missing my flight." even with my kicking and screaming actions, my mom did not do anything.

again, i screamed. "i want to go back to new york. this is not my home!"
after a few minutes as i was looking outside. i thought about contacting the airline and looked for the ticket.

i finally realized that i did not have a ticket to new york.


what a dream. so real. it showed what is going on in my life clearly. what i really want and what's real.

writing in japanese

i've been working on my resume, an entry form, and a cover letter for one media company since this morning. why is this taking so long??? it's 3 in the afternoon now.

i am creating sentences and paragraphs in english manner, and it is so unnatural and strange when i translate them into japanese. crap.

the entry form pdf has been locked that i have to fill them in by hand. 3 copies have been wasted because i'm not used to writing japanese with a pen and a sheet of paper...

i thought about applying to positions for writing, but now i know that my japanese has recessed pretty badly.

mobile culture

it's been over 6 years since i own a cell phone in japan. things have changed so much since then. japanese mobiles do so much. maybe that's the reason internet hasn't become as popular as some other countries.

they work as phone, internet browser, tv, tv-phone, mp3 player, camera(more like a camera which has a phone function), train pass, credit card, GPS, etc. some are designed for specific targets.

for kids. it has a function to automatically send you a sms when your kid reaches to a registered destination. crazy.
http://mb.softbank.jp/en/products/toshiba/820t.html

i got an old one as a temporaly solution from my brother who works for a company that has a contract with SoftBank. i still have a long way to fully utlize this gadget...

comparing and not liking

i am a bit disappointed with myself. i thought i could handle "accepting differences" more smoothly. i'm comparing many things here with what i'm used to in new york and the U.S.., and feeling not comfortable. clearly i'm out of my comfort zone in my home and the culture i used to belong.

to mention a few events i've encountered and could not understand in last few days...

japanese cell phone service/system made my eyes pop, but computer and internet culture is at their jurassic period. i had to explain what wifi is to my friends. they were so impressed and shocked at my ipod which cought their neighbor's unsecured wifi.

this news made me worry about applying to japanese media companies. an actor/boy band member got cought by drinking and streaking in a park. this news became breaking news and aired like it mattered to us. there are so many other things which people should know.

could i grow again to be able to accept differences and live where i don't belong? it might take a while...

an old friend's visit

a friend from high school came to visit me. i just realized that i've known her for 10 years now, and that's when i started my freshman year. i am getting old...

we had one afternoon to catch up our last two years.

Q: what do i do when i see people?
A: photoshoot :)

i made a header image for this blog today. yes, that feet with red shoes are my friend's.

mom's lunch box

my body is still refusing to adjust to japanese time. i went to bed at 6pm last night and work up at 4am this morning. this allows me to do at least two beautiful things. 1. seeing how my mom spend her morning and 2. having breakfast together with her.

the photo is showing what my mom made for my dad for his lunch today. it's amazing and i respect her very much for what she does and how she does it.

in japan, it is very common for wives to make lunch box like this for her husbands and kids. my mom has been doing this for at least 30 years almost every morning... i think i've been away from japan too long and will not be capable of doing so...

at grandma's house

my treasure hunting is happening at my grandma's house.

it's been about 3 years since she has been in her demented state. she is now 91 years old. it's been over two years since i saw her last, and i was preparing to accept drastic change on her.

it wasn't too bad. i tapped her shoulder at a grocery store where my mom took her. she bowed like she does to strangers and didn't recognize me first, but after a brief introduction of who i am (so and so's youngest daughter) she grabbed my arm and said, "oh, oh, you become so pretty."

we went to her house and had lunch together. the fact of me being in the U.S. had burnt into her memory, and she kept saying, "don't be in hurry. you don't need to go back there so quickly. japan is better, isn't it?"

i was falling asleep on her couch watching TV. my mom reminded me about the storage part of the house where most things are kept. the area has been a bit cleaned up, but apparently it was filled with things and the floor wasn't visible... by the way, the area has two rooms with many chests, closets, and a hall way.

i opened many doors and drawers, but many still remain closed. most exciting finding of the day was my grandpa's wartime photo album. (see more photos at my flickr) i will write about the photos in a separate entry after asking my grandma some questions. no one in my family seems to care about the photos. i'm very excited about finding about my own family which i don't know much about.

my japanese sucks

apparently i speak like a foreigner who learned to speak japanese.

i went to a hairdresser and made a brief stop at a cell phone store.

the hairstylist said, "don't worry, you will catch up soon, but right now, you speak an awkward japanese."

the cell phone sales woman said, "these are all written in japanese. would it be ok with you?"

a good friend of mine corrected me over the phone.

i hope things would get better for me soon.

lookin' fat

"i'm saying this because everyone's been nice to you, and no one said anything to hurt your feeling." this was what my mom said last night. i'm on my chubby side today.

well, it is true. so far no one told me that i'm fat, at least not in the U.S.. an idea of being slim (too slim in my opinion) is inbeded so deeply into japanese people's mind that there is no way of convincing them or my mom that i am NOT fat.

i'm about 6 pounds over my usual weight. it happened after 3 months of vacationing in europe and nyc and not working.

it is a shame, and i am a bit surprised that i decided to write about "weight issue" here.
i love eating to death, and the weight issue was always someone's issue. well not anymore... not here, where i am at today.

home - where i am at today

yes, i am finally home. i call this place home, but right now, i'm not feeling as comfort as i thought i would be. Shimada, Shizuoka, Japan. this is where i was born and raised. as you see from wiki. this town is the place where everything happens...

i was thinking of starting a new blog in an aircraft i took from Detroit which was filled with mostly filipinos. after nearly 8 years living in the U.S. i came where i used to belong. hopefully i will be able to keep track on transitions i will go through.

off to breakfast now. perhaps a bowl of rice with kimchi...