"i'm possibly quitting."

"may i have 5 minutes of your time? i have something to tell you," i said.

my boss' eyes got bigger by a few inches. not really. but i could tell that the blood was rushing to his face and he made "this isn't happening" face.

giving him a heads-up is the least i can do now. poor thing, he is surrounded by lazy idiotic full time co-workers. and us, temp worker assistants are leaving.

poor boss who has no saying on the current employment system in his dept in a biiiiiiiig company. one of us, four assitants, just left. i'm possibly the next in a month or two.

a hard-worker's effort isn't paying off. life isn't fair...

attending a wedding =$600

"japan is so expensive." many people had said to me, and i agree in the most part.
i'd like to talk about "going broke after attending a few weddings in japan." today.

my cousin's wedding is coming up in less than a month. a cousin i haven't talked for a few years.
simply yanagawa family does not have close tie among each other. one day in september, an invitation to the wedding came in a mail. here comes the battle between reality and formality.

in japan you are taking cash with you instead of a gift.
i am listing up the gift money etiquette/common sense.

1. even number is a taboo.
even number is easy to split into half so no good. so you can take $300, but not $200 nor 400.
2. your age and a relationship between the bride/groom.
~student: $100 + 100
20~25 : $300
25~: more than $300
uncle&aunt: $500 + $500
3. venue
if the venue is high end. you pay more. attending = getting a course meal

so here is the general cost calculation for a wedding, of course as a guest.
$100(transportation fee) + $300(gift money) + $100 (for make up and hair) + $100 (dress) = $600

often, the relationship between you and the groom or the bride does not worth spending this much. i've got invited by a friend who i went to a junior high, and we had not talked.

with a light pressure from my mom and sister, i'd agreed to attend the wedding. my parents said they are paying $1,200. wtf. a nephew who they don't really communicate. people do say that the money you spend will come back to you. i believe that this isn't applicable to me.

i probably don't hesitate this much if the relationship between the cousin and i are different from what we have. but he is just a stranger to me.

another train pass, a tube of tooth paste, a bottle of shampoo...

whenever i face a necessity of buying new daily use items, this line pops up in my mind.

"how long am i going to be here?"

should i get the larger value pack or the small "will be used in a short time" one?

my dilemma.

what is new york?

this entry isn't about a craziness in japan.
this is what happened last night.

my wall is really thin, and i can hear people talk and cars rumble from the street.
last night, i turned the light off, laid down, and closed my eyes.
thinking... things which i've been thinking lately.

and i heard THAT song from someone's probably an ipod.

"Empire State of Mind" and that exact part.
"in new york, concrete jungle where dreams are made oh ...."

i smiled with bitterness. really. i don't say this often. but wtf.

new york is ruining my life.
my mom once said to me. "it's important to know how to give up."
many others said to me. "your dream will come true if you keep wishing."
it's agonizing and eating me up badly.

well fortunately there are things which keep me going still. like neil's godly e-mails (they come in great timings), some books by paulo coelho(great books when you are lost in different ways), and my creativity. i think i'm still good if i have these powerful things to push me. cheers to myself!

incomprehensible action by the gov

an ex-north korean spy who crushed an airplane and killed 115 people was treated like a princess by a nation.

the special permit to enter the county was granted by the gov (of course, in a normal circumstance, a terrorist won't be allowed to enter), and was escorted to a summer house of former prime minister to meet a family of abducted japanese.

why did the country have to invite her? what does japan get from this? why did she stay in a house of former PM and not in a gov facility?

nothing makes sense to me.

http://www.asahi.com/english/TKY201007230525.html

no guilt what so ever. whale is yummy.

saturday morning in bed, i turned tv on. and something made me

one morning show (somewhat similar to Regis and Kelly type show) was introducing a recipe with a canned food. a whale meatloaf in a can. wtf. "wooo, that looks so good. i wanna try!" a guy who was on that program said.

i've seen infomarcial for whale meat. there is no sense of what it means to be whale eater here in japan. a tv personnel can make a comment like "mmmm looks yum!" about whale meat on public tv, you'd have an idea of how whaling is seen here in japan.

in january 2010, a ship of sea shepherd and japanese "research" whaling ship collided. i thought this news would raise awareness among japanese on how the rest of world see whaling is. the result was... the captain and the organization is portrayed as terrorist like anarchistic group.

unreasonable things often go through in this country because "it's our culture."
that stubborn ideology closes many doors for japan.

"cracking down railway groper" week

i guess anger and/or disappointment encourage me to write on this blog. sorry.

so i saw a news yesterday about police and train companies are campaigning against railway gropers.

i'm gonna list up why it is a everyday thing in japan. btw the list is my assertive ideas and not supported by statistics, but i think i'm right :)

1. train is too crowded
2. girls show off too much skin
3. no sex offender registration
4. the crime doesn't lead to harsh enough sanction
5. oppressed sexual drive went off
6. victims don't report to authorities

and the news was giving the following advice for the prevention. well i wondered then, why no one really talked about how to decrease the number of groupers... this is another part of japan i despise. more severe punishment perhaps?

1. look around before you get into the train (and?)
2. how to grab a grouper's hand
3. read english paper or book so that they think you are smart and competent. (yes, english speaker=big deal in japan, and in their assumption, competent woman would not let the groupers go. BS. )

#3, another ideology which makes me vomit. women who speak english are automatically considered competent and outspeaking, therefore, man look at them differently from the rest of non-english speaking japanese women. i'm often told, "wow, so you speak english fluently? i'm so jealous." hell yea, so what? being bilingual isn't special.

i slightly wish a grouper to touch me once, then i'd wisper to their ear "i'm gonna finish your life" and beat up, but unfortunately i watch english video podcast, and probably look competent.