fake friend to hire for your wedding

my co-worker said that she was thinking about starting a side job apart from the jobs we both have.

attend weddings and act like total strangers' friend.

yes, this kind of business is getting more attention in this society. of course, it's because there is demand for it. sick.

i looked up a website of a company. this company charges about $220 per actor/actoress.
$110 if you ask for a speech to go along. another $110 for a party after the wedding (which is more for friends instead having family members) the company also offer their service for funeral, party, etc.

japanese care greatly and put so much effort to save their faces. not having many friends to fill seats at their weddings is shameful so "let's solve that with money."

this society is filled with fakeness. japanese are depicted as "polite and kind" humans. not true. beneath the smooth clean surface, gunky yacky mud lay.

overwhelmingly sad feeling from a dream

when i woke up this morning, i just started to crying, and my eyes were warm and tears were running down.

i haven't felt such a strong feeling from a dream in a while.

it was my mom's funeral.

in the dream, she was already gone, and there is no indication of why she was dead. it was taken place at my grandma's house. i was sad, but overwhelming feeling of sadness and regrets came near the end of the funeral.

the fact that i can't talk to her again finally sank in my mind. and thought why didn't i tell her that i thank for what she has done for me and felt deepest remorse for not being able to return anything for her.

i woke up because i felt warm tears running down my face.

this made me think about how would i deal with this feeling when it happens for real. terrifying.

after work, on the way home, i called and told her about the dream and how i felt.
"don't you worry. i won't die so easily." she laughed, "i'm happy to know how you feel about me."

the day will probably come. perhaps not now, but in a few decades which is about how much time we've been spending together.

so tell your loved ones that you love and care if you haven't told them. please call your parents today.

another reason to dislike tokyo

"dead set against it. if they are living here permanently, they should get japanese citizenship if they haven't caused any problem. so it's better to come up with easier system to own the citizenship."

this is a comment of the governor of tokyo about permanent foreign residents' voting rights in japan. i don't have my own opinion about this topic yet, and from what i read his opinion does make sense. BUT how he said it made me sigh.

-if they haven't caused any problem-

what is that mean? i am surprised to hear an official comment like this from a head of this metropolitan, one of the biggest cities in the world.

i really don't see future in japanese politics.

2010 new year's resolution!

let's see how many of these could i cross out by the end of this year!

1. moving (not temporarily hopefully permanently) out of japan.
2. going to at least 3 more hot springs
3. buy small portable printer
4. start selling photo cards
   
5. lose 6kg total
6. experience one or more new country
7. improve my skin condition
8. find a nice man for myself
   

2hrs on a subway

happy new year! and my apology for writing about suicide for the 2010's first entry.

on the way home last night, i was on subway for 2 extra hours. there was an "accident" at two statons ahead.

they never said that it was a fatal accident or suicide.

i was too tired to take a different route by transferring twice so i stayed in the train thinking that it would start moving soon.

after many announcements by the train conductors saying from "rescuing (right, must have been pretty obvious)" to "investigation" to "safety check" the subway started to move again after 2 hours.

i was so tired and wanted to go home last night, but today the incident has been making me think about the guy who jumped into the train track. "why did he kill himself?"

a lesson learned. "when there is an 'accident,' on tokyo subway/train system, make a move as soon as possible."

fyi, i will attach the subway map of tokyo (this doesn't include train system)
there are 274 subway stations on 13 routes.

your cs profile and message suck. rejected!

"Feel free to ask me anything. hheehe, I can teach u english. =)"

the latest cs request ended with this sentence.

where the heck is your reading ability? you idiot. i am getting disappointed with the quality of cs members. i only get boring bad messages these days. i don't even respond.

maybe because i am having a passive attitude towards cs, but come on, i've gotten a lot better ones in new york. here i get just lame ones from males age between 20 to 40ish who clearly haven't read my profile.

nameless fish at home

it's been two weeks since i brought him home.

yes, the fish i wanted is home now.

but nameless. i call him "hey" "oi!" "totto-chan" etc etc.

let me know if you can think of a name for him.

i think he is in heat. he is creating a nest for babies... sorry i am not getting a girlfriend.